So I enjoy a great conversation, but I have difficulty having truly great ones with strangers or new interests. Is it just me, or is it they?
I have pondered that question for a number of weeks now and have settled upon the hypothesis that I might be shy.
Unpacking that, I reasoned that I lacked confidence when I sizing up myself to my potential conversation partner, perhaps also estimating that I am not a very well prepared or well read person, having nothing interesting to talk about.
While my perceived shortcomings may upon introspection lead to a rally from mediocrity and complacence, I discovered in my readings online the notion that shyness is about the self. Essentially in a conversation, it is a misdirection of the focus of a potentially great conversation onto my self, not only so much as becoming the topic of conversation, but more of being an equal partner in the conversation. The remedy was to focus on the partner, really listening, and enjoying them for their fascinating contribution. Not caring whether I am Equal, or even whether I have anything to contribute, as long as I create a comfortable space for my partner and myself to see where our words may lead.
And then I happened upon a life coach or sorts who postulated that it is my inward focus itself that creates the phenomenon known as shyness. I have to agree.
ReplyDeleteShy guy also goes with nice guy, a very dangerous guy indeed, for he by his niceness borders on control freak, using overt niceness as covert manipulation. Better to live in the open, keep the eyes focused on what is before you, and ask for what you want in a way that builds motivation and desire for others to supply it, than to clam up and never be satisfied, leading to super niceness converting to manipulation attempts. Creepy.
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